I have to echo Montego's post.
I do have a contact at Google but I wouldn't want to take advantage of that 'friendship' however, if I can drop it into the conversation at some point then I will.
Unfortunately, Google seems to have gotten a little too big for it's own boots and their omnipotent approach to some things is not always the right way to handle things.
As there is effectively no way to 'force' Google into re-indexing the site, there might possibly be a way to coerce it.
Blogspot - a few well spaced out (by date) posts there in your own account (it is owned by Google).
Check your listing at alexa.com and try to get into the DMOZ directory.
Check all your referers - if they are from free-for-all link pages, try and get the link removed.
Concentrate on other engines like MSN, Yahoo, Windows Live, Ask and just generally make sure you are adding new fresh (not re-syndicated) content periodically.
The Sitemap works without a doubt, so I wouldn't worry about that